I have not felt so lost for a while now. Here I am, exactly where I have dreamed of being for the entire length of my existence and yet the exuberance is nowhere in sight. I am beginning to feel that I have lost reason to be happy; neither is there any motivation to be sad.
For the past year or so, I have been on a relentless expedition to try and understand myself. Yet, every time I think I have made any progress, I find myself being hurled into an abysmal of darkness and confusion.
I thought I had an image of myself. While walking down the Highway of Oblivion I looked up at the Moon with hollow eyes. She looked so beautiful in the dark sky. Her dim light fell on me as if she was touching me, telling me to have faith and filled me with hope. She illuminated my path and in that light, I was able to see a reflection in the pond; a reflection of my reality. I felt warm after what felt like an eternity.
I thought I had made some progress in my search for myself. Unfortunately, as my path twisted and turned into the darkness of the cavernous mountains, I lost sight. My source of light has been once again removed and now I stand alone at the edge of the cliff, wondering…
I never imagined for life to change so drastically and become unrecognizable. My gaze grows ever more pensive as the darkness begins to emerge out of the deepest corners of my mind, once again questioning my reality. I can feel the cold cruelty gripping my psyche as I stand alone looking into the sky scouting for a source of light.