Today, I’m going to go out of my way and write about something I don’t quite understand. Feelings! We all have feelings. We feel the world around us and we feel for each other. I created this blog to write about my life’s moments in a sort of abstract manner; moments that defined the rains and shines of my life. Each article that I’ve posted here was inspired by true incidents of my life. I guess I can say I write in order to better understand my own feelings or perhaps get rid of them.
However, it is starting to become obvious that I’m completely hopeless with feelings. As I look back at my life I see that I made very few real friends if any at all and my relationships with most people are transient. I can make friends but sadly, I cannot keep them. It’s probably because neither do I understand my own feelings nor those of someone else. Unfortunately, I’ve hurt many people because of this inability of mine to properly comprehend emotions. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to them.
So what triggered me wake up at 2 A.M. in the morning and start writing? The problems are the raging feelings within me. Since I yet again fail to grasp their definitions or maybe because I’m trying to suppress them, they have manifested in the form of uneasiness and discomfort and probably the reason why I named this one Untitled. I guess I can’t sleep until I can somehow get these feelings off my chest.
Every time I close my eyes I see images from the past and images that I apparently desire to see in the future. These feelings have grown within me and yet are alien to me. I think I like them but I also fear them and want to get away from them. I cannot decide what I really want and I cannot see what is right. I feel a great urge to walk down this path but I’m also afraid where it might take me and yet, I’ve been walking lonely and uncertain paths all my life. Perhaps, I don’t wish to be lonely anymore. Perhaps I want to give a name and a meaning to my untitled existence.